If the entity is currently in the room, leave the room. Do not read the rest of this menu aloud.
The firm · London · Est. 1666
Bastion was founded in London in 1666, in the ashes of a misunderstanding. The fire was not our fault. The invoice for it remains outstanding.
Personnel noteSeveral members have asked that their portraits be dated “before”. We have respected this.
The practice
“We are not the oldest firm in London. We are the oldest firm that will still answer the telephone after dark.”
Bastion began as a private commission for a merchant whose warehouse would not stay empty. It incorporated in 1731, survived the Great Fire by not being in the room, and has practised continuously ever since. Our partners have advised on the Nine Planes Accord, the first undead tenancy settlement, and the only successful appeal against a resurrection.
Today the firm has offices in London, New York, Prague and Kyoto, with a correspondence office in the Ninth Circle. We act for private clients, estates, funds, insurers and institutions. We do not advertise. We are referred.
The work is unusual. The standards are not. Every file has a partner, every partner has insurance, and every engagement ends with a document that can be read by a human being without legal counsel. Or with it. We are not precious.
Founded in London. In the ashes of a client’s warehouse. The fire was ruled accidental; the ruling was appealed.
First infernal retainer signed. Still active. Counsel for the other party has changed four times.
The Nine Planes Accord. Bastion admitted to practice in six jurisdictions. Three remain contested.
Sister Agnes ceases aging. For reasons she describes as “personal”. HR has taken note.
First undead tenancy settlement. See Case 0666-Z. The lease remains in force.
360 years of continuous practice. No plans to retire. Several clients have.
Personnel files 001–006
Archival portraits reproduced with the firm’s permission. Dates are approximate. So are some identities.
Infernal affairs · Litigation
Managing Partner · Infernal Affairs
Read law at Oxford. Read the fine print in the Ninth Circle. The only living solicitor to have a soul lien struck from the register. He does not discuss the 1890s.
“The dead are not the problem. The paperwork is.”
Deliverance · Ecclesiastical relations
Partner · Deliverance & Exorcism
Former abbess. Left the order to serve a higher authority: the insurance underwriters. Has performed 2,300 exorcisms and has never once lost her temper. The entity usually does.
“I have never lost a client to a demon. I have lost two to probate.”
Divination · Psychic risk
Senior Partner · Divination & Psychic Risk
Forecasts with 94% accuracy; the remaining 6% are classified. Reads tarot, contracts and opposing counsel. Charges by the hour, including hours that have not happened yet.
“I knew you were going to open this page.”
Lycanthropy · Workplace compliance
Director · Lycanthropy & Workplace Compliance
CIPD, SHRM-SCP, certified in silver-allergy management. Has personally reviewed 400 lunar-leave requests and only eaten one client. It was a hostile witness.
“The moon is not an excuse. It is a scheduling constraint.”
Revenant containment · Field operations
Director · Revenant Containment & Field Operations
Former battlefield chaplain. Specialises in the newly dead, the unquiet and the improperly buried. Maintains that every outbreak begins with paperwork. Pictured before the incident.
“Bury it properly the first time. We are not made of shovels.”
External advisor · Infernal practice
External Advisor · Infernal Practice
Bound by a 1731 agreement, four NDAs and several restraining orders. Available for contract review, hostile takeovers and children’s parties (declined). Do not offer a name.
“The terms are acceptable.”
Portraits date from between 1854 and 1931. Subjects have been asked to update them; responses are pending. One file has no portrait for reasons that remain before the court.
Governance
The firm is governed by its partners, its insurers and, on alternate Thursdays, its clients’ former relatives.
Three seats. No minutes. Attendance is mandatory. The Board meets quarterly, or whenever it is already in the room. It has never voted against the managing partner, a fact that both parties describe as “comforting”.
Convened quarterly and adjourned immediately. The Committee has never found a conflict it could not disclose in a footnote, nor a footnote it could not seal. Its charter is available on request, subject to privilege.
A ouija board with a service-level agreement. Average response time: three business days, or one full moon, whichever is sooner. Escalations are handled by the night porter, who is not alive but is extremely organised.
Careers at Bastion
Associates: four or more years’ post-qualification experience in a common-law jurisdiction and at least one non-common-law plane. Exorcists: licence required, sense of humour optional. Oracles: apply before you know the outcome.
