We do not improvise.
Two-person rule on every threshold. No solo exorcisms, no unrecorded rites, no exceptions. The one time we made an exception, it made partner.
London · Occult Risk & Remediation · Est. 1666
We handle what your insurance won’t.
Bastion is a full-service paranormal practice for private clients, estates and institutions operating in the seen and unseen worlds. Possession, infestation, lycanthropy, infernal contracts, and the occasional resurrection gone wrong — discreetly resolved, properly documented, and billed at standard rates.
If the entity is currently in the room, do not read the rest of this page. Call.
01 Practice areas
A full-service practice
for the unseen.
Nine disciplines. One partner accountable for every file. We take the cases other firms will not admit exist — and the ones they have already lost.
View the full practice
01 / POSSESSION
Possession & Deliverance
Primary, secondary and board-level intervention. We remove the entity, not the personality.
Response: immediate
02 / HAUNTING
Haunting Remediation
Residential, commercial and heritage. We negotiate with the deceased, their solicitors, and occasionally the building.
Response: same day
03 / LYCANTHROPY
Lycanthropy & Transformational Health
Containment, HR policy and silver-allergy accommodations. Your career should survive the moon.
Response: 24 hours
04 / VAMPIRE
Vampire Relations
Relocation, blood-tax advisory, sunlight liability and neighbour disputes. We are not on anyone’s side; we are on retainer.
Response: by mandate
05 / CONTRACTS
Infernal Contract Review
A standard soul clause may be unenforceable. We read the fine print so you don’t have to — literally.
Response: 48 hours
06 / REVENANT
Zombie & Revenant Containment
Outbreak response, quarantine, identification and dignified repatriation. We do not do “simple burials”.
Response: immediate
07 / PSYCHIC RISK
Psychic Risk & Corporate Divination
Counter-scrying, ward audits, merger foresight and executive protection from things that think in the future tense.
Response: by mandate
08 / SOUL RECOVERY
Soul Recovery & Afterlife Liaison
Wrongful death, wrongful afterlife, extradition and lost-property claims in jurisdictions that do not recognise email.
Response: 72 hours
09 / ANGELIC AFFAIRS
Angelic Affairs & Divine Indemnity
We represent clients in negotiations with beings who are never wrong, only “testing your faith”.
Response: by application
02 The Bastion standard
“The dead are not unreasonable. They are simply represented.”Ellsworth Vale — Managing Partner, Infernal Affairs
We document everything.
Every manifestation, bargain and receipt is filed. If it is not in the file, it did not happen. If it happened anyway, see Section 14.
We are insured.
Up to £50 million per incident, excluding acts of God. Acts of the other party are covered. So are acts of the other party’s mother.
12,847
Mandates closed
Since 1666. Four were reopened by the other side.
0
Client souls lost
Three under appeal. Legal remains optimistic.
41
Jurisdictions · 9 planes
One has no extradition treaty. We manage.
99.7%
Containment rate
The remainder contained themselves.
Audited under the Nine Planes Accord, 2025
Client identities withheld under seal
03 Engagement
A procedure,
not a performance.
Every matter follows the same five stages. The rites change. The project management does not.
01Intake
Make contact
Call the line. Do not enter the room. Do not answer in your own name. A partner will take the first details personally.
02Assessment
Establish facts
Two licensed practitioners attend within the hour. Instruments calibrated. Property and reputation protected.
03Containment
Hold the line
The entity is stabilised, isolated or politely asked to leave. This step cannot be skipped, expedited or discounted. We have tried.
04Resolution
Close the matter
Remediation, negotiation, extraction or trial. You receive a sealed file, a plain-English summary and a certificate of closure.
05Aftercare
Keep it closed
Thirty-day manifestation warranty. Annual ward inspection. Billing in the currency you still control.
Response times measured from first contact in the material plane. The astral plane has its own scheduling committee.
04 Selected matters
Discretion is the service.
Outcomes are the proof.
A small selection from the archive, redacted to protect the living, the dead and the still-litigating.
Open the case files
Case 0091-B
Containment
Corporate
Closed 2024
Corporate
The Seventh Floor
A Mayfair asset manager reported unusual staff attrition and a conference room that kept scheduling meetings with no attendees. The room was a minor portal. It had opinions.
Outcome — Portal sealed in 11 days. Two staplers and one intern recovered. The staplers were never the same.
Case 0447-V
Litigation
Estate
Settled 2022
Estate
The Inheritance
A Cotswolds family inherited a house, a title and a fourteenth-century curse. We proved the curse was a forgery. The opposing solicitor was not amused; he was, however, dead.
Outcome — Curse voided. Estate recovered. Costs awarded in two currencies.
Case 0666-Z
Negotiation
Revenant
Closed 2019
Revenant
The Sitting Tenant
A Brooklyn landlord attempted to evict a non-paying tenant who had been deceased since 1974. The lease, unfortunately, was valid.
Outcome — Lease amended. Back rent waived. Quiet hours after 3 a.m. by mutual agreement.
Case details are composites. Client names are withheld. Entities are named only where legally permitted.
05 The firm
Partners who have
seen things.
Three hundred and sixty years of combined experience, and one consultant we keep in the basement archives.
Meet the firm
Personnel file / 001
Infernal affairs · Litigation
Infernal affairs · Litigation
Ellsworth Vale
Managing Partner · Infernal Affairs
“The dead are not the problem. The paperwork is.”
Personnel file / 002
Deliverance · Ecclesiastical relations
Deliverance · Ecclesiastical relations
Sister Agnes of the Veil
Partner · Deliverance & Exorcism
“I have never lost a client to a demon. I have lost two to probate.”
Personnel file / 003
Divination · Psychic risk
Divination · Psychic risk
Madame Oona Vesper
Senior Partner · Divination & Psychic Risk
“I knew you were going to open this page.”
06 Engagement models
An arrangement,
not an adventure.
Most clients begin with an assessment. Some begin with a scream. Both are welcome. Every retainer is reviewed annually, or sooner if something follows you home.
Household Protocol
Residences · Estates · Family trusts
£600per month
from
from
For private homes that would prefer to remain private, and families who have recently discovered why the east wing was cheap.
- Annual ward inspection and written report
- Two emergency callouts per year
- Haunting hotline (business hours)
- One minor exorcism per annum
- Discreet invoicing under a trading name
Minimum term 12 months. Salt not included.
Corporate Indemnity
Offices · Funds · Landlords · Institutions
£4,800per month
from
from
For organisations whose premises, supply chains or board members may occasionally exist in more than one jurisdiction.
- 24/7 priority response and named partner
- Twelve site assessments per year
- Possession liability cover up to £50m
- Infernal contract review (20 pages)
- Annual board-level risk briefing
Excess applies. So do several covenants.
Sovereign Mandate
Families · Foundations · Governments
By application
For clients with non-standard exposure, contested succession, or a family tree that occasionally bears fruit in another dimension.
- Dedicated partner and field team
- Cross-plane counsel and diplomatic liaison
- Standing portal containment
- Reputation and media containment
- We do not ask why
Two references required. One may be deceased.
Fees exclude VAT, salt and applicable tithes. Exorcism is not a substitute for medical advice. Hell VAT applies at 13% where enforceable; the Vatican is exempt, and so is the Vatican. Retainers do not include resurrection, pet recovery or litigation in jurisdictions that predate writing.
07 Client statements
The work speaks.
Carefully.
Names are withheld. Matters are redacted. The invoices, regrettably, are not.
“They found the thing in the basement, served it notice, and recovered my deposit. I have never been so relieved to pay an invoice.”
R. M. — Homeowner, BermondseyMatter 0412-H · Closed
“I asked for a simple blessing. I received a forty-two-page risk assessment and a refund. It was the most professional experience of my life.”
T. Okafor — Facilities Director, ManchesterMatter 0733-B · Closed
“The fee was terrifying. The results were impeccable. We have retained them for a third year.”
A private client, ZurichName withheld at client’s request
Emergency intake · 24/7
If it knows your name,
If it knows your name,
call us.
Do not wait for it to introduce itself. Our night desk is staffed by a partner, a licensed sensitive and, on Thursdays, the Consultant.
+44 20 7946 0666Answered in the material plane within one business day. If the line is engaged, wait thirty seconds and call again.